


oh, this is the beat of my heart

by newsbypostcard



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8627296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsbypostcard/pseuds/newsbypostcard
Summary: Two years alone of not touching anyone, and now Steve sets a hand at his back or clasps at his shoulder, like it's casual, like it's no big deal. It feels much bigger. Bucky’s gaze goes to it every time. Steve thinks he’s jumping but he’s really just looking, and Steve did this during the war, too, though not near as often. For a man that tall to put his hands on him, it made him feel –-God. God. What was he to do with that?





	

**Author's Note:**

> adapted from [this tumblr post](http://newsbypostcard.tumblr.com/post/152054563356/the-thing-about-bucky-is-the-way-touching-steve), which i wrote in ten minutes while sad after several glasses of wine.

  


The truest thing about touching Steve is the way it comes over Bucky like an encroaching veil. 

Two years alone of not touching anyone, and now Steve sets a hand at his back or clasps at his shoulder, like it's casual, like it's no big deal. It _feels_ much bigger. Bucky’s gaze goes to it every time. Steve thinks he’s jumping but he’s really just looking, and Steve did this during the war, too, though not near as often. 

It had scared Bucky then in just the same way. For a man that tall to put his hands on him, it made him feel –-

God. _God._ What was he to do with that?

And now it's the present and everything is loud and fast but Steve has become quiet and slow and it makes Bucky wonder... what there is to this. It seems companionable, at least. Steve sets his hand at Natasha’s back or on Sam’s neck, so isn’t that just the way he is? And it _is_ just the way he is, Bucky decides; but after a while spent trying to observe it, he leans into it instead, and once that fire gets started it’s impossible to douse.

 _Oh,_ to deserve this giant, caring man.

Bucky seeks out Steve’s hands and he offers them, gladly.

And from then on it all derails. Two years without anyone and a lot longer before believing touch meant cruelty and here is this wonderful man, this tall man, this quiet and slow and gentle man who offers his hands as though they mean solace. Bucky takes them and everything they hold. He holds Steve against him in quiet moments, pressing Steve's palm against his neck or nudging at his shoulder until Steve takes him in his arms, and it’s good, it's _so_ good; it’s the best thing Bucky’s known in _years_. 

How much this matters. How nice it is that Steve is just this way.

And it’s here, leaning into Steve as they’re stretched out on the bed, Steve’s fingers at his chest, when they tighten against him; and Steve says a quiet thing, a thing Bucky’d never thought to hear aloud, “I love you,” gentle -- stupid, because Bucky already knows. He looks up and squints at nothing and wraps his fingers around Steve’s leg and tells him that, “I know,” and Steve says, “I don’t think you do,” and Bucky says, “I know, all right? There’s a lot of things I know, you don’t have to tell me,” and Steve says, “but Bucky,” and Bucky says, “I know, you jackass, I know already,” and tilts his head back and kisses him. 

That’s the best kind of touch, it’s the best thing he’s ever felt; it’s hot and eternal and it sets him aflame. 

Then it’s over; then it's _this_. Bucky goes back to flipping channels and Steve goes back to his book. 

In a way, nothing's changed. In a way it's as it was. 

But when Steve’s hand holds over Bucky’s heart, this time, Bucky _knows_ he is at home.

  



End file.
